The art of friendship is rarely thought of as an art. In fact, when you read that phrase "the art of friendship" you may have suspected me of dishonesty, manipulation, or perhaps even outright perfidy. However, I still maintain there is a proper way to obtain and maintain friendships – the pith of any art or science includes principles and rules of conduct!
However, even if you disagree with me, follow my thinking for just a moment. Contemporary American culture upholds an ideal image of friendship – that is, people with which one can and should be associated. So what is that ideal? In order to get the cultural ideal of friendship, let us first try to think about a public person that embodies friendship. It may be a celebrity, a political figure, a powerful figure. Certainly there are many people that could come to mind. I think that people like Mr. Rogers, Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Larry King, etc. (just check out who is being trended on Yahoo to get a good idea of friends, I did!). As you read through this list, you probably had strong conflicting emotions pulse through you because some of those people are universally loved (I dare you to hate Mr. Rogers!), While others are certainly hated by some but adored by others (i.e. Bill Clinton – I have to admit, despite my political and theological disagreements with the man, I still think he would be pretty fun to talk to – he seems really nice and approachable).
It is certainly true that, although there is hardly a person that is universally loved and adored, there can be discerned in patterns of American friendship a set of identifiable characteristics that can be amalgamated into a single ideal of friendship. Let's go with Larry King for the time being. Aside from the fact that Larry King so old that true age could only be verified by method of radiocarbon dating, he is a well-respected figure who has interviewed just about everyone you could imagine from Billy Graham to Paris Hilton.
Now let's think winning characteristics – he has long-standing trust with the American people because of his continued and dependable journalistic skill – he knows how to ask honest inquiring questions, which provide the right information for people to understand various public figures. He is not afraid of interviewing anybody despite their social connotations – the only criteria necessary for Larry King is that there is a public figure/issue worthy of the peoples’ attention.
In my assessment, Larry King earned the title of ideal friend with all honesty, integrity, and praise. But let's face it, unless you were either going to be on the show or you really cared to brag about it to your friends, is not somebody exactly what I hang out with. He would be more like an overly inquisitive uncle. I think the true test of an honest public celebrity is this: if you can answer yes to the following question, that I think the celebrity could be a good friend: if this person were not famous, would not make me famous by meeting them, or would not become famous shortly after the meeting them, would I want to hang out with them? In other words, do you think they would be enjoyable, helpful, or possibly one who could agree with you?
If you cannot answer one of these questions, you may just be starstruck! So, go on, give it a try. Think about your favorite distant friend (i.e. favorite celebrity, politician, or wealthy person), and try to see if be friends with them. In addition, give a little bit more thought to what a friend is. If you can define a friend as an ideal, you can learn how to obtain friends and maintain friendships because friendship begins with a bond of affection – and affections are expressions of what we believe to be true – how we perceive what is true and false about persons, circumstances, and ideas. In other words, when you like a person, you are affirming a belief about that person – you may simply affirm their beauty, their charm, but you may also affirm their character or behavior. As you begin to learn and think about what you like and don't like, you will begin to learn about patterns of behavior and principles, which govern your life and that you find desirable in other people. This will enable you to discover the rules and principles that you use to connect with other people – the essence and pith of the matter is that you will discover how to improve in the art of friendship.
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